Supporting Aging Parents Isn't Always Easy (Even When You Have All The Answers)

Tammy Lautner
Oct 13
2 min read

A week ago, my mom fell and fractured her right arm. In an instant, our lives shifted. What had been a fairly steady routine for my parents and me became a whirlwind of emergency room visits, follow up appointments, home care assessments, and long nights with little sleep. On top of that, there were groceries to get, laundry to do, and the house to keep running.

I have spent over twenty years helping older adults and their families navigate situations like this. I know the system. I know the questions to ask. I even have connections that make the path smoother. And yet, none of that made this week any easier.

The Emotional Side of Supporting Aging Parents

The hardest part was not the logistics, but the emotional weight. Watching my mom struggle to sleep upright because she could not lie down was heartbreaking. Watching my dad lose sleep because he was so worried about her was equally hard. And I felt their worry too.

Even when you know what to do, it does not make the experience easier. When it is your parent, the stress and worry feel different. No amount of professional knowledge can erase the personal weight of seeing your parents in this season of struggle.

Kindness Matters

Through this, I also saw incredible kindness. Every health professional we encountered, from the emergency room staff to the home care team, did their best to provide thoughtful and compassionate care. Their patience and gentleness made a difficult time feel a little lighter.

It is easy to focus on how complicated and overwhelming the system can be. But in the middle of all of that, there are people who truly want to help. Their kindness made a real difference to my parents and to me.

I Could Not Do It Alone

Even though I am a professional, even I could not manage all of this by myself, at least not well. Supporting my parents required more than my knowledge and skills. It took a community of people, both inside and outside of the health system.

This reminded me of a truth I share often with families I support: asking for help is not a weakness. It is part of how we get through. No matter your experience, no matter how much you know, you cannot do it alone.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are supporting aging parents or an older adult in your life, please remember this. It is okay if it feels overwhelming. It is okay to be tired, worried, or unsure of the next step. And it is more than okay to lean on others.

This past week reminded me why I do the work I do. It is not about having all the answers. It is about walking the path together, finding support where we can, and remembering that hope is possible even in the hardest seasons.