Burnout from Supporting Aging Parents

Tammy Lautner
Sep 13
3 min read

Ways to Manage Stress with Self Compassion

September often comes with a certain energy. The air feels different, routines shift, kids head back to school, and calendars fill quickly. Alongside the fresh start can come an unspoken message: get back on track, push through, keep it together.

For those supporting an aging parent or other family member, this can feel like an added weight. You may already be running on empty, but society keeps handing out messages like:

“Pull up your bootstraps”
“Put on your big girl panties”
“Suck it up and keep going”

I grew up with this mindset. The idea was simple: work hard, don’t complain, just keep moving. What I wasn’t told was the toll this approach can take on mental health and how it can quietly lead to burnout from caring for a parent or another family member.

What Burnout From Supporting Aging Parents Really Feels Like

Burnout isn’t just being tired.

Webster’s dictionary defines it as “exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.”

For me, burnout showed up as more than fatigue. I was constantly anxious, snapping at small things, struggling to concentrate, and feeling detached from conversations, almost like I wasn’t fully there. My sleep was a mess and I felt both wired and worn out.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Burnout from supporting aging parents or other relatives can happen to anyone.

Some common signs that you might be approaching burnout include:

Feeling irritable or unusually resentful
Trouble concentrating or remembering things
Difficulty sleeping
Constant tiredness that does not lift with rest
New or worsening health issues
Pulling away from friends or things that used to bring joy
Using food, alcohol, or other habits to cope

A September Reminder: You Matter Too

When everyone around you seems to be getting organized for fall, it’s easy to double down on the idea that you have to carry more, push harder, and put your own needs aside. But the truth is, you can’t show up for others if you’re running on fumes.

Think about airplane instructions: you’re told to put your own oxygen mask on first. The same applies here. Tending to your well being isn’t selfish, it's survival. I prefer to call it self compassion rather than self care. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer someone else.

Small Shifts That Can Make a Difference

This September, here are some gentle reminders to help you manage stress while supporting family members:

Build a routine that includes you. Kids thrive with structure, and so do adults. Add even a small daily ritual that grounds you, take a walk, do some journaling, or a enjoy a quiet coffee.
Share the load. Just like a school can’t run without teachers, staff, and support, you don’t have to manage every responsibility on your own.
Say yes when help is offered. Let people feel good about supporting you. Have a mental list of easy things they could take on like picking up groceries or driving someone to an appointment.
Celebrate progress not perfection. Just like school is about learning step by step, life isn’t about getting it all right, it’s about showing up.
Stay connected. School reminds us how important peers are. Adults need connection too. A coffee with a friend, a phone call, or joining a group for families in similar situations can make all the difference.
Listen to your body. Exhaustion, aches, or constant stress are signals, not weaknesses. Give yourself permission to rest and regroup.
Seek support when you need it. Sometimes talking things through with a professional, exploring respite programs, or having an advocate in your corner is what helps lighten the load.

You Don’t Have to “Suck It Up” Alone

Supporting family is meaningful, but it can also be heavy. This fall, as routines ramp up and demands pile on, I hope you’ll remember that you deserve the same compassion you give so freely to others.

If you’re in Edmonton (or anywhere in Alberta) and you’re feeling stretched thin, whether it’s navigating housing, healthcare, or figuring out the next step with an aging parent, know that support is available.

Let’s talk. Together we can make a plan that brings clarity, options, and a little breathing room.